Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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