Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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