Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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