Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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