Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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