Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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