Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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