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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
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What pine has the longest needles?
A porcupine.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.
I said, "Are you two an item?"
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What did Delaware?
A New Jersey.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"
I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?
Silent night!
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?
It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A fire cracker
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?
A shampoodle
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