Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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