Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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