Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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