Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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