Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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