Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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