Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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