Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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