Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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