Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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