Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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