Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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