Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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