Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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