Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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