Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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