Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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