Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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