Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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