Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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