Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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