Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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