Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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