Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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