Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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