Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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