Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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