Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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