Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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