Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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