Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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