Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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