Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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