Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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