Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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