Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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