Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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