Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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