Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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