Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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