Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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