Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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