Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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