Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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