You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.

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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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