Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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