Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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