Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
or
Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
or
Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
or
WHAT?
or
What's a light bulb?
or
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
or
Just one more, guys, I promise.
or
It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
or
Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
or
One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
or