What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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