What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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