How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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