What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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