What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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