What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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