If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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