Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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